ICT Day Six : Report Sick

Nothing much to say. Except that in one day, I managed to read half of the book I had started one week ago. "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray.

I stayed overnight in bunk on Sunday. Reported sick on Monday. I must say that the waiting time at the Medical Centre had shortened tremendously.

I used to complain to anyone who would listen about my bad experience with the medical centre last year. The system at the medical centre in camp was extremely inefficient. I had reported sick last ICT in the morning at 8.30a.m, and only received my status printout and medication at 3p.m. in the afternoon. By 10a.m. I had seen the MO, and was waiting for the results. Having waited an hour, I asked the medic on duty periodically for the results, starting from 11a.m.

By the fourth time I asked, at around 12.30p.m. The medic told me that everyone went for lunch. (Including the medic who was around at 12p.m. whom I was checking with constantly) Somehow, he, and the others who was there, neglected to tell me. I was waiting like a idiot for so long, and they happily went for lunch without telling the supposedly sick patient. (I had a fever, by the way.)

Anyway, this time round, the whole process at the medical centre took less than one hour. I got my "Attend C" status (can go home) and some medication by 9.30 a.m.

But why could I finish half a book, you ask?

This time it is the procedure of my unit that is the problem. Since my company is off for exercise, I come under the jurisdiction of the ME Platoon for that day. However, the ME Platoon was leaving in the afternoon, they were handing over the 'sick party' (the lost and wounded) to a Warrant Officer in charge of the ICT unit.

Thus "the sick" were told to wait for instructions as we were to have a briefing with him. Estimated time of arrival? 11.30 a.m.

I was told, "Why don't you sit around the office, and relax? We will be leaving at noon, then the warrant officer would brief all of you."

The time was 9.45a.m. when he said that. 2 hours away from time of arrival of the esteemed warrant O'. Of course I didn't wait. I went to bunk to finish half of my book, had a short nap, and still made it in time to meet my guardian for the next 3 days.

At the office, the warrant officer basically said that, since the rest of the unit is out for exercise, we cannot possibly join them. However, we cannot possibly "zhuo bor lan" (his exact words) either.

I am not sure if he got confused over our medical status, or whether he was genuinely being nice to us sick folks. In the end, he allowed the "Attend C" to go home and report to him after their "Attend C" status is over, but asked those on other excuse to report to him thrice per day, although meals were not provided.

Whatever, I was just happy to leave. My back was killing me, I was coughing pretty badly, and the MO gave me lozenges and gargling solution for it. Up till today, the medical centre still maintain the policy of 'no antibiotics'.

I am staring to sound like a old lady. (Literally...)

Hope in Fear?

Now I am sitting in front of my computer, I feel tired, but cannot sleep. That's because when I lie down, I feel nerve firings through my legs, my neck, my hands randomly.

The worst attack I have ever had was when I twisted in my sleep. An intense shot of pain shot through my nerves in my body, and no matter what position I lie in, I feel the pain. Hwei Min was there and I was literally screaming, and sobbing, not knowing what to do.

Whenever I lie down and I feel an ache in my back sometimes, I feel an overwhelming sense of fear rush over me. I start to imagine the worst, I start visualizing what is causing the pain in my spine. I start to imagine what will happen if i lose my ability to move my limbs. I think of the consequences to my family.

Knowing what I learnt from "The Secret", I know I should not focus on it too much, and instead, look forward to a full recovery. But lying down, feeling and jolting at every single tingle of my nerves, it's hard, you know?

So I am sitting in front of the pc... googling for information about my injury. I came to looking for news about Michael J. Fox, and somehow found some inspiration from watching an interview of him on Youtube.

ICT Day Five : Back Problem

Supposed to go back tonight, and be staying overnight in camp before going out field for exercise tomorrow.

My back problem is worsening. Last few days, I just felt a slight backache. Today, I start feeling muscular and nervous spasms all over my body when I lie down. Not good.

I think I will have to report sick. Don't think I want to go out field. Don't feel good dropping out like a loser, but I don't want to injure myself for life over a few days of maintaining my ego.

ICT Day Three/Four : Training - Appreciation

Past two days were spent doing basic engineering tasks. Not too bad, mainly refreshers, we forgot most of the procedures but our past knowledge kicked in shortly after 'hands on'.

As usual, though, lots of time spent waiting. The standard SAF motto, "Rush to wait, wait to rush" applies all the time. It seems no matter how much planning you put into arranging your tasks, so as to speed things up, SAF just seems to break everything back down and slow you down. It's very interesting, you know?

Once you put on the uniform, you suddenly become a little more stupid, and time seems to flow slower.

However, someone put things into a very positive perspective yesterday.

We were in a training shed, and it just happened to be breezy. That guy (i can't remember who) said that he treated ICTs like a retreat, a time to reflect. It's true... The training shed we were in was in the middle of a field, and when I heard that observation, the trees, the grass, the breeze quite suddenly become quite surreal.

After being introduced to it by Kok Boon, I watched a movie called "The Secret" not too long ago. (www.thesecret.tv) It describes the secret to success. I shall not reveal too much, you can take a look at the video at youtube, but having watched the movie, I found that ICT served another purpose.

The Secret


ICT takes away things I take for granted. Things like freedom of time, ability to keep clean, having a nicely cooked meal and all the other comforts of modern life, but much more importantly, time with family.

It is a part of human nature that we take things for granted after having it for a while. From what I recall from studying psychology, that's how our brain functions. Our thoughts and sensations being 'electrical signals' in the brain... after many times of repetitive 'signals' of the same kind, our brain builds a huge trunking line between the parts of the brain that are involved in that signal. This is so to make our brain process this information faster, and allow more of the adaptive parts of our brain to take in new information.

In short, we are wired to just accept certain sensations as the norm, after repeating it too many times.

The problem with that is that we tend to forget what we already have, and we tend to focus on things that we do not want. We then complain about things that are now not going on too well in our lives.

The more we focus on the things we DO NOT want, the unhappier we become, and the more the things we do not want become a reality.

To me, we need to constantly remind ourselves of the things we already have, the things that are going on well, and have been going on well. We are thus, training our minds to become in-tuned with the things that we DO want.

Sounds cheem? I think not. Think about it and I think you can find dozen examples of people who are unhappier and unhappier, and are thus becoming unhappier and unhappier still. Nothing mystical about that!

ICT Day Two : Day at the Range, Leadership in the SAF

Spent the whole day at the range.

Interesting new format now, makes the whole shoot feel more like an arcade game. It just got harder to get Marksman now.

Anyway, got a call from Chye Kwang to tell me everything is smooth in office. Glad to know that everything is ok, even though Teck Yew is on leave too.

Just got home. Its 10.30pm by the time I reached. I stay within 15 mins bus ride away from the camp. I can't imagine the others.

Tomorrow book in again at 7.00 a.m.

Anyway, I noticed something in the range opposite to ours today. Another company was having a shoot. A 2LT officer was arguing with a Staff Sergeant over something to do with ops.

Watching from a distance, of course, I could not really figure out what they were talking about. However, this triggered an insight I got from watching commanders lead in my years of the NS experience. Being of the rank of a corporal, I could, obviously, watch everything, and just pass judgement... but I have seen some really bad commanders in my NS cycle.

The kind of commander that totally sucks is a combination of

• one who cannot say no to the superiors, and is "super siao on" at trying to impress
  

• one who cannot admit that he does not have as much experience in certain areas as, say, a NCO, who could have been in service for more years than he, and could have a better approach to do things, or have an insight on situations.
  

The problem with this combination is that, on one hand, while trying to impress his superiors, he could fall flat on his face because he might not be realistic when setting a task, and his subordinates fail at achieving the unrealistic targets that he promised. On the other hand, he would also lose any respect that the subordinates originally had of him.

So? Complete failure...

Of course, in the Army, subordinates cannot leave his charge so easily, neither could they disobey his orders directly, so things would go on looking fine on the surface.

In the long run, the net result would be inefficiency. You would have people who cannot lead at all, in leadership positions. These people would not leave, since they know that they are inefficient, and would not survive in the real world. Instead, they would serve long and well in their positions and depend on their ranks to lead.

Result?

Inefficient SAF.
Fucked up person who will be ill equipped for the real world when age finally catches up and he has to leave the forces. His only skill? Managing people, which we know he can't do very well anyway.

By the way, I am not really passing any judgement on such leaders. By the sixth one I meet, I have already gone past that. I just find it kind of sad?

There are a lot of personnel stuck in these kinds of position. The whole problem is... many of them might not even realise the truth, since they are sheltered by the system.

Thankfully its not like I am in the Army. It is much better in the 'real world'.